Confessions of a Non Runner Race Director

The Wardrobe Malfunction

Race for the Place 5K

February 27, 2021

This morning I participated in the Race for the Place 5K in Columbia. This will be my third 5K this year, but the first live event. I was excited to get off the treadmill, complete a full 3.1 miles in one setting, and get my time under one hour. However, the most exciting thing about my walk/jog this morning turned out to be the new yoga pants I recently purchased with POCKETS.

“You will find these are a game changer” I was told. And a game changer they were.

I placed my phone in the left leg pocket and my ID, a package of GU, my inhaler, and my key FOB (which is normally tied to my shoe) in the right leg pocket. I felt comfortable in knowing my things were secured in the pockets and so I started the race at a good jogging pace. It didn’t take long for that comfortable feeling to leave me. The front side of my pants decided to move on down underneath my baby belly flab. (Yes, Justin was born 25 years ago and I still have the baby bump…it’s a work in progress). So, pants drooping in the front….. That’s ok, I thought, they can ride there. My shirt has good coverage and who is really looking at the participants at the back of the pack. But then a few more feet and the weight of the items in my pockets stating pulling the back side of my pants down too. Oh yeah, that happened. I slowed to a brisk walk, not wanting to stop. I needed to finish in under an hour. I was determined this was going to happen. I jerked at the pants waist band, then pulled the legs up individually. Praying the small group of participants behind me didn’t notice that my butt checks were starting to show just under my shirt and now I was doing some crazy jerking to cover everything back up. I heard some laughter. Did they notice? Maybe they were just having a funny conversation. Of course, that was all it was. I shrugged it off and kept my brisk walking pace. I attempted to jog three more times, again worried my walking pace wasn’t going to get me under an hour. Every time…. Same thing. Pants begin to fall, I jerk them up.

At the one-mile announcement from Map your Run I was clocking a 15-minute mile. So my thoughts are: ‘Alright, I’m going to get in under an hour. But wait, I’ve jogged a few times. How am I going to keep that pace if I don’t jog two or three times per mile. But the people behind me don’t need to be subjected to me dropping my drawers and pulling at my pants for two more miles. Geez, why did I think I should try to become a runner?’ So I picked up the pace on my brisk walk, still having to tug some on the game changing yoga pants, but I managed to finish with a time of 49:45. Whew!

So here’s my question… anyone else have issues with their yoga pants with pockets? Do they make suspenders to keep them up? What good are pockets if you can’t put stuff in them? Definitely putting the car key FOB on my shoe next time, and maybe I need to get an arm band for my phone. The problem with that becomes lack of access. Not only do I not understand running clothes, I don’t know how to use the exercise apps on my Apple Watch either. On the way home my watch beeped and asked me if I was finished with my outdoor run. Yeah, like 15 minutes ago. Geez. I can see why people give up on running….. But not me!

Watch for my next blog post on finding the proper running apparel and TESTING it before the event.